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8 bulletproof reasons why Steven Seagal would make a great governor

Steven-seagal-8-reasons-to-run-for-governor

Steven Seagal’s impressive resume

Steven Seagal is considering to run for Governor of Arizona, which just happens to be the best idea he’s come up with since he took out his credit card and killed several members of the Russian mafia in ‘The Glimmer Man’.

Below are my 8 bulletproof reasons why Steven Seagal is without a doubt, the man for the job.

1. He’s unbelievably hard to kill. In fact, he was gunned down by the mob who just happened to be working for a senator. Then after spending 7 years in a coma, he woke up and decided to train methodically to take him out of the equation. That shows resilience and determination in the face of overwhelming odds : An excellent governor character trait.

2. Next up, he’s above the law. No legislation can prevent him from taking the hard decisions he will have to make. In fact, he’s prepared to go to any bar and tell the good people of Arizona that he’s going to find the drugs no matter what, even if it means breaking legs, arms, and giving the police force extra work. He’s willing to bypass the rules, and no red-tape is going to stop Seagal from doing what’s right.

3. He’s not afraid to walk on deadly ground. In fact, if he uncovers that any local businessmen are secretly damaging the wildlife and polluting the rivers with their oil refining, he’s got a battleplan. Seagal knows how to start a fire, and he’s going to make a big one for the whole state to prove that anyone polluting will be burned to the ground. This shows his strong conviction from within.

4. He’s a patriot and carries a cure for any virus unleashed by a foolhardy gang of militias. No group can threaten the state of Arizona with a biological attack on Seagal’s watch. His unique understanding of flowers, and how to throw them out of a helicopter to cure people is a perfect weapon of good in the face of sheer evil.

5. When under siege, Seagal knows how to build a team, thanks to his experience in the military as a navy seal. Whether it’s with the help of miss July 89 or a few sailors with ironing experience, he’ll get the job done. In fact, he’s also got cooking skills which could come in handy for when he invites other governors to lunch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmG7BIAlv-I

6. Sometimes a governor has to look into the sun to see what’s happening in the community. Seagal, with his understanding of Yakuza culture, and perfect Japanense, can wield a sword at any meeting to show his cultural connections. Japanese/American residents will respect and admire his ability to slice and dice his way through policy to get the job done.

7. When the going gets tough, and Seagal is marked for death he has a special ability to eliminate people with two heads and four eyes. He is even able to smuggle weapons in air-freight to ensure he gets the job done when drug gangs flee to Jamaica. That shows an un-relenting ability to defy international restrictions to achieve the goals of the state.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImRsNaVq2NU

8. Last but not least, Seagal’s deep ties to the EPA means that when there’s a fire down below, he’s going to know about it. Thanks to his intuition, he can tell when someone’s dumping illegal toxic waste in the water supply. He’s got this unique ability to build wooden porches too, and he’s able to win the hearts and minds of local residents who are tired of being held hostage by a corrupt business.

All of these are undeniably good reasons to support Steven Seagal if he ever chooses to run for governor. For now though, check out his interview with ABC15, where he talks about his intentions.

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