I spent the last couple of years trying to control every aspect of my life and eventually I ended up unhappy, feeling alone, and turned into a control freak.
I wouldn’t go to bed until I responded to all my work emails, submitted my applications to jobs and double/triple checked what time my castings were the next day, what the addresses were and etc.
I wanted to be successful so bad that I felt that I needed to do everything at once. I wouldn’t trust others to help me with anything.
As hard as I pushed myself I expected others to deliver as well and it would be incredibly disappointing when people didn’t live up to the expectations. I became completely consumed with work and incredibly miserable.
The one thing that mattered to me (work) didn’t give me any satisfaction anymore. Yea, being a control freak paid off, I was working constantly but that was my life summed up.
Within a short period of time, I distanced myself from all my friends, never went out, had no hobbies and it was all pretty depressing.
A month ago I realized I didn’t want to live my life like that anymore. I wanted to be happy, even if it meant sacrificing certain jobs.
I gave myself time to read the books that I never had time to read before. I signed up for kickboxing classes, cooking, and comedy nights.
I made time for my friends…
Ironically enough, when I stopped pushing so hard for things to happen they just started happening for me. Clients started calling me vs me hunting them down. I started booking acting jobs that I never even thought I would get called in for, from campaigns to commercials, all within one month of acknowledging my downfalls and focusing on the good in life. It’s incredible how life works. Once you let go of something, all the opportunities come flying in.
You have to open yourself up to the world. You have to be happy now without the things that you want so badly and trust the universe. I am a living example of that. You can be whoever you want to be in life, but what’s important is that you are happy. It’s never too late to change your life.
Alena Savostikova is a Russian born actress and model living in LA. She has featured in commercials, magazine shoots and feature films in Europe and the US. Recently she appeared in Samsung’s Curved Beauty campaign and will star in a brand new sitcom that goes into production later in 2015.